Headstand progress: 01/13/2016

Most balance poses just did not come easily to me. Actually, I can say most yoga poses really did not come easily to me. I first started practicing yoga when I was unhappy with my weight and I just knew I had to find a way to exercise. But I'd rather visit the dentist, thank you. And if you know me, you know how much I DREAD the dentist.

I have never been flexible, even as a kid but I picked a Power Yoga class at my old gym as the exercise I would try, because I figured it would be the easiest way to get some extra movement in my life with the least amount of work. What was I thinking? I laugh at my old self, when I remember my reasoning behind this because those classes were tough for me. And finding stillness in my mind? Forget it! Trying to quiet my mind was like giving my mind permission to come up with lists, and plans. I used that time to remember what bills needed to be paid, created to-do lists for the week and more.

After a few years of on-and-off practice, and almost of year of serious-ish practice, I find that I can sit still with a clear mind. I can even meditate for ten minutes or longer, without needing to move around or wiggle or slouch. I can stick standing poses without wobbling too much - but one-legged balance poses (I am looking at you Ardha Chandrasana!!) still seem out of my practice, even on the best of days.

I have been focusing some of my attention to practicing a headstand, or Salamba Sirsasana, using a wall. Headstands are my Everest and it has been a slow and frustrating process, though very fun. I can get up, and stay up, but I noticed that the wall has become a crutch of sorts.

I knew I was using the wall because it is 'safe'. Against a wall I can't fall backwards and ungracefully break a hip. But today, I practiced a few times away from the wall. I no longer felt safe but instead, I trusted in my ability to bring myself up and keep myself still, even for a few seconds.

I am so close, I can taste it. Yet, I know if I rush the process, it will just take longer to get where I want to be. Practice makes progress.

I can pick apart the million things I know are wrong with the pictures but today is not the day for that. Today, I am happy I got through these away from the wall.

My camera was awesome enough to also capture the one time I fell over today.

Landing on my mala beads = not awesome.

I also want to pick apart the million ways I feel ungraceful in this picture. But, today is not the day for that. And today is not the day for breaking a hip either so I am happy.

There is grace, even in falling. And there is definately grace in getting up and trying again.
I am forever grateful that yoga found me.

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